"Any warrior could become a man of knowledge. As I told you, a warrior is an impeccable hunter that hunts power. If he succeeds in his hunting he can be a man of knowledge."
"To seek the perfectin of the warrior's spirit is the only task worthy of our [humanity]." Everything else is death, which is nothing. (Journey to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda)
To live as a warrior means to be conscious, fearless, impeccable.
Here's the thing:
If I were talking to don Juan, he would say that I care too much what others think of me. I'm too needy for the company of other people. I should be comfortable with my own company.
But the fact is, one can become too comfortable with one's own company. It becomes a defense mechanism, a way of cutting oneslef off from others so as not to feel anything, especially to avoid feeling what's at the core, which is fear.
One can feign detachment, but in truth, it's just a protective shield against feeling anything. That protective shield then becomes a prison.
If you are truly comfortable in the company of others -- in other words, there's no self-consciousness or fear of rejection, then you're free of self-importance and self-reflection. You're also free of neediness because you're connected to a feeling of abundance. Then you feel at ease whether you're alone or with others.
So my "problem" isn't that I need to become more comfortable with my own company. I'm so comfortable with my company that it's become a defensive shield and a prison of fear. What I need is the opposite: instead of getting comfortable with my own company, I need to get comfortable being around other people.
I chose to spend the summer here as a way of forcing myself out of familiar, comfortable rountines. Those routines become ruts that get deeper and deeper over time until it becomes impossible to see over the walls and I may forget there are other ways of being.
But I am discovering that simply changing locations is not enough on its own to catapult me out of old ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. However, it does make them easier to see.
The challenge now is to isolate the things that are most difficult for me to do and force myself to do them. Basically what I'm doing this summer is stalking myself.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
What We Did Yesterday
1) At breakfast/lunch
2) Took the Tube to Piccadilly Circus
3) Visited a 5-story bookstore. Sarina bought 4 books. I bought Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates
4) Went to the National Portrait Gallery
5) Took Charing Cross Tube to Westminster
6) Saw Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey
7) Walked over to the Victoria Tower Gardens; walked along the Thames path to the Tate Britain
8) Visited the Tate Britain
9) Walked through Bessborough Gardens to Pimlico station (saw another library!)
10) Took Tube to St. Pancras station
11) Went to British library to use the interest
12) Stopped by Subway on the way home for a sub sandwich (it’s not English, but it’s cheap!)
13) Went home and ate dinner, showered, read, fell asleep
14) I’m now posting pictures at www.EvonDavis.com/VirtualTravelingLondon.htm because the format is much easier than posting pictures in my blog.
2) Took the Tube to Piccadilly Circus
3) Visited a 5-story bookstore. Sarina bought 4 books. I bought Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates
4) Went to the National Portrait Gallery
5) Took Charing Cross Tube to Westminster
6) Saw Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey
7) Walked over to the Victoria Tower Gardens; walked along the Thames path to the Tate Britain
8) Visited the Tate Britain
9) Walked through Bessborough Gardens to Pimlico station (saw another library!)
10) Took Tube to St. Pancras station
11) Went to British library to use the interest
12) Stopped by Subway on the way home for a sub sandwich (it’s not English, but it’s cheap!)
13) Went home and ate dinner, showered, read, fell asleep
14) I’m now posting pictures at www.EvonDavis.com/VirtualTravelingLondon.htm because the format is much easier than posting pictures in my blog.
How Death Becomes a Friend and Advisor
This morning, I got up at 6:00am. First order of business: drink coffee and read. I finished Tales of Power yesterday, so have picked up Journey to Ixtlan this morning and am looking forward to reading it. Here we learn that the warrior is one who is “without routines, free, fluid, unpredictable.”
Don Juan says, “For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to convince you that you must assume responsibility for being here, in this marvelous world, in this marvelous time. I wanted to convince you that you must learn to make every act count, since you are going to be here for only a short while; in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it.”
One of the major teachings of don Juan is to make Death your friend and advisor. If you really knew that you could die at any moment, you would probably live differently. You would live more in the moment, an experience which is difficult to describe, but you recognize it when you are there.
Yesterday, at Waterstone’s I picked up a copy of Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates. When I saw the film this past winter, it had a profound effect on me. At the time, I already knew I would leave CBS and spend 2 months in Europe this summer, but it was very vague and wispy, more a fantasy than an actual plan. Seeing the film was like putting rocket fuel in my tank. At that moment, I knew I had to go. I heard the imperative, “Change or die!”
I was already dying. My insides had become black and corroded, sticky and sickening like something rotting. I couldn’t eat for days at a time. Over the course of two months, I lost 15 pounds (and I was already thin). I would sit at my desk at CBS, being so agitated that I was literally pulling my hair out.
My only relief from the boredom was writing to a friend in England and dreaming of my escape into a better, happier life where I actually came alive -- fully alive. But that behavior was a form of escape, and just like any other form of escape, it wasn’t really living; it was an addiction.
I worked amongst people who complained constantly abut their jobs and their lives, and yet they were terrified of leaving their little shithouses.
I saw Revolutionary Road five times in the theater and then bought the book and read it. Each encounter fueled my courage and passion to turn the dream into a reality, to leave the slow corrosive, rotting death and come fully alive.
Then came the decision to leave. I had already chosen my date to give notice and it took all my willpower to continue showing up every day. Then the magic happened. (“When you finally commit, Providence moves too.”) On the morning of Friday, February 27th, 2009, I won the layoff lottery. I was so thrilled, so excited, so happy! I wanted to jump for joy. But of course, that’s not considered socially appropriate behavior, so I had to tone it down a bit.
I didn’t pretend to be sad, I just said to my (clueless) consoling coworkers, “Ah, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I always land on my feet. Better me than someone who truly sees this as a career, which I never did.”
As soon as I was out the door, around the corner, and a block away, I called my friend David to tell him that my wish had come true. I had finally been liberated, given a lovely severance package, and was dancing in the streets!
Now here I am in London, living my life as an adventure, feeling fully alive, while my former coworkers spend the summer trapped in their sunless, windowless cubicles, getting older and fatter, continuing their endless stream of complaining and fear-mongering. They have already given in to Death.
Don Juan says, “For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to convince you that you must assume responsibility for being here, in this marvelous world, in this marvelous time. I wanted to convince you that you must learn to make every act count, since you are going to be here for only a short while; in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it.”
One of the major teachings of don Juan is to make Death your friend and advisor. If you really knew that you could die at any moment, you would probably live differently. You would live more in the moment, an experience which is difficult to describe, but you recognize it when you are there.
Yesterday, at Waterstone’s I picked up a copy of Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates. When I saw the film this past winter, it had a profound effect on me. At the time, I already knew I would leave CBS and spend 2 months in Europe this summer, but it was very vague and wispy, more a fantasy than an actual plan. Seeing the film was like putting rocket fuel in my tank. At that moment, I knew I had to go. I heard the imperative, “Change or die!”
I was already dying. My insides had become black and corroded, sticky and sickening like something rotting. I couldn’t eat for days at a time. Over the course of two months, I lost 15 pounds (and I was already thin). I would sit at my desk at CBS, being so agitated that I was literally pulling my hair out.
My only relief from the boredom was writing to a friend in England and dreaming of my escape into a better, happier life where I actually came alive -- fully alive. But that behavior was a form of escape, and just like any other form of escape, it wasn’t really living; it was an addiction.
I worked amongst people who complained constantly abut their jobs and their lives, and yet they were terrified of leaving their little shithouses.
I saw Revolutionary Road five times in the theater and then bought the book and read it. Each encounter fueled my courage and passion to turn the dream into a reality, to leave the slow corrosive, rotting death and come fully alive.
Then came the decision to leave. I had already chosen my date to give notice and it took all my willpower to continue showing up every day. Then the magic happened. (“When you finally commit, Providence moves too.”) On the morning of Friday, February 27th, 2009, I won the layoff lottery. I was so thrilled, so excited, so happy! I wanted to jump for joy. But of course, that’s not considered socially appropriate behavior, so I had to tone it down a bit.
I didn’t pretend to be sad, I just said to my (clueless) consoling coworkers, “Ah, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I always land on my feet. Better me than someone who truly sees this as a career, which I never did.”
As soon as I was out the door, around the corner, and a block away, I called my friend David to tell him that my wish had come true. I had finally been liberated, given a lovely severance package, and was dancing in the streets!
Now here I am in London, living my life as an adventure, feeling fully alive, while my former coworkers spend the summer trapped in their sunless, windowless cubicles, getting older and fatter, continuing their endless stream of complaining and fear-mongering. They have already given in to Death.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Pictures (finally!)
Sarina waiting for the train in Dublin. She was such a trooper the way she carried her backpack and never compained, even when she was tired and hungry.
We took the Dart to Dun Lunghaire. I liked it better than Dublin. We bought lunch and ate in a quiet courtyard.
Then we found a place on the grass to lie down and take a short nap before we caught the ferry to Holyhead, Wales.
The Fool's Journey
London is beginning to work its magic on me. I'm slowly transforming into the Fool. I'm more in the present tense than I've felt in a long time. The wonderful thing about the Fool is that sh'es very playful. Meeting The Challenges and Being in the Moment are her games.
On Monday we rode the Tube to King's Cross Station, ate breakfast at Pret a Mange, visited two bookstores, found a real library (the British library isn't a real library; it's more like a museum); went to the British library to use the internet; ate lunch at Pret a Mange (way too expensive; spent about $23!).
Then we rode the Tube to Victoria Station, walked to Buckingham Palace, took lots of pictures; visited the Victoria Memorial fountain in front of the palace, walked along the Mall (like in DC) to Trafalgar Square, visited the National Gallery, and went by the Horse Guards.
Then we walked from Saint James Park all the way to Kensington Gardens, then went home and ate dinner. Afterward, went shopping at Boots and Tesco, then passed out from exhaustion.
On Monday we rode the Tube to King's Cross Station, ate breakfast at Pret a Mange, visited two bookstores, found a real library (the British library isn't a real library; it's more like a museum); went to the British library to use the internet; ate lunch at Pret a Mange (way too expensive; spent about $23!).
Then we rode the Tube to Victoria Station, walked to Buckingham Palace, took lots of pictures; visited the Victoria Memorial fountain in front of the palace, walked along the Mall (like in DC) to Trafalgar Square, visited the National Gallery, and went by the Horse Guards.
Then we walked from Saint James Park all the way to Kensington Gardens, then went home and ate dinner. Afterward, went shopping at Boots and Tesco, then passed out from exhaustion.
Three Techniques for Expanding Perception
Don Juan "explained that disrupting routines, the gait of power, and not-doing were avenues for learning new ways fo perceiving the world, and that they gave a warrior an inkling of incredible possibilities of action." Tales of Power by Carlos Castaneda
Not-doing consists of a perceptual game of focusing attention on features of the world that are ordinarily overlooked, such as the shadows of things.
I came to the UK because I had a very strong feeling of being stuck. I needed to change the way I perceived things by disrupting my routines. This has a powerful effect on many different levels. For those people who prefer to have things explained in terms of the rational/material world, think of the effect it has on the brain when you stop following the same patterns and are forced to confront the unknown. Many established neural pathways will begin to disentegrate and new pathways will begin to form. By forcing the brain to grow new neural networks, it keeps the brain pliable and reinforces the ability to adapt and think creatively.
Not-doing consists of a perceptual game of focusing attention on features of the world that are ordinarily overlooked, such as the shadows of things.
I came to the UK because I had a very strong feeling of being stuck. I needed to change the way I perceived things by disrupting my routines. This has a powerful effect on many different levels. For those people who prefer to have things explained in terms of the rational/material world, think of the effect it has on the brain when you stop following the same patterns and are forced to confront the unknown. Many established neural pathways will begin to disentegrate and new pathways will begin to form. By forcing the brain to grow new neural networks, it keeps the brain pliable and reinforces the ability to adapt and think creatively.
Having to Believe
“A warrior must be fluid and must shift harmoniously with the world around him, whether it is the world of reason, or the world of will.”
“The most dangerous aspect of that shifting comes forth every time the warrior finds that the world is neither one nor the other…. The only way to succeed in that crucial shifting is by proceeding in one’s actings as if one believed…. A warrior, whenever he has to involve himself with believing, does it as a choice, as an expression of his innermost predilection. A warrior doesn’t just believe, a warrior has to believe.
“Having to believe that the world is mysterious and unfathomable was the expression of a warrior’s innermost predilection. Without it, he had nothing.” Tales of Power by Carlos Castaneda
As a friend said, "You have to believe your Europe trip is the next step in your unfoldment. Anyone who walks deliberately into the unknown has to believe in the path they are on or the will falter and succumb to fear." I have no doubt the world is mysterious and unfathomable.
“The most dangerous aspect of that shifting comes forth every time the warrior finds that the world is neither one nor the other…. The only way to succeed in that crucial shifting is by proceeding in one’s actings as if one believed…. A warrior, whenever he has to involve himself with believing, does it as a choice, as an expression of his innermost predilection. A warrior doesn’t just believe, a warrior has to believe.
“Having to believe that the world is mysterious and unfathomable was the expression of a warrior’s innermost predilection. Without it, he had nothing.” Tales of Power by Carlos Castaneda
As a friend said, "You have to believe your Europe trip is the next step in your unfoldment. Anyone who walks deliberately into the unknown has to believe in the path they are on or the will falter and succumb to fear." I have no doubt the world is mysterious and unfathomable.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Update
Well, we got the flat in London, so our new address is:
Flat 5
42, Queensborough Terrace
Bayswater, London W2 3HS
We’ve become experts at riding the Tube. That’s what they call the Underground. We went to Kensington Gardens yesterday to hang out for a while. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s right at the end of our block. I was looking at a map this morning and can see that there is a massive green space in the center of London. It connects Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park to Green Park, Palace Gardens, and St. James Park.
On Friday, we went to Piccadilly Circus. It’s sort of like London’s Time Square. Nothing was happening except a lot of traffic. Not very interesting. We bought some lunch and walked over the St. James Park, sat in some chairs and ate a picnic lunch. I had no idea that we were at one end of that green space and would soon be living at the other end. We could literally walk from one end of it to the other and be home.
It’s absolutely massive. It’s like London’s Central Park, but even larger. My goal is to walk from the eastern-most tip in St. James Park to the western-most tip in Kensington Gardens (or go the other direction) and see how long it takes, then based on the idea that we probably walk 3 miles per hour, I’ll be able to figure out approximately how many miles across it is and will blow your minds when I tell you all.
Here’s a map of London: http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&q=map+of+London&um=1&ie=UTF-8&split=0&gl=uk&ei=5Eg-Sre7Jp68jAe58NT6Dw&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=image&resnum=1
We’ve got 13 things on our list of things to do in London, but will probably come up with a lot more. I’m also itching to get out of the city and do some camping, but haven’t yet sorted out what to do with all our stuff. It’s too much to carry. Of course I brought my own personal library with me. I might have to learn to embrace Kindle one day. Ugh!
Flat 5
42, Queensborough Terrace
Bayswater, London W2 3HS
We’ve become experts at riding the Tube. That’s what they call the Underground. We went to Kensington Gardens yesterday to hang out for a while. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s right at the end of our block. I was looking at a map this morning and can see that there is a massive green space in the center of London. It connects Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park to Green Park, Palace Gardens, and St. James Park.
On Friday, we went to Piccadilly Circus. It’s sort of like London’s Time Square. Nothing was happening except a lot of traffic. Not very interesting. We bought some lunch and walked over the St. James Park, sat in some chairs and ate a picnic lunch. I had no idea that we were at one end of that green space and would soon be living at the other end. We could literally walk from one end of it to the other and be home.
It’s absolutely massive. It’s like London’s Central Park, but even larger. My goal is to walk from the eastern-most tip in St. James Park to the western-most tip in Kensington Gardens (or go the other direction) and see how long it takes, then based on the idea that we probably walk 3 miles per hour, I’ll be able to figure out approximately how many miles across it is and will blow your minds when I tell you all.
Here’s a map of London: http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&q=map+of+London&um=1&ie=UTF-8&split=0&gl=uk&ei=5Eg-Sre7Jp68jAe58NT6Dw&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=image&resnum=1
We’ve got 13 things on our list of things to do in London, but will probably come up with a lot more. I’m also itching to get out of the city and do some camping, but haven’t yet sorted out what to do with all our stuff. It’s too much to carry. Of course I brought my own personal library with me. I might have to learn to embrace Kindle one day. Ugh!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Getting Back to "Normal"
I'm feeling like a fair lady today. So much of my energy was flowing toward meeting the basics of life that I didn't have time for things like brushing my hair, but I finally got caught up on the sleep i needed and today I was able to make myself look better when I went out in public.
I'm one day closer to renting a flat. We looked at it today. Simple accommodations, but it's a decent building in a decent neighborhood right next to Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park. In fact, the gardens and park are right at the end of the block we'd be living on. It's a price we can afford, less expensive than the hostel we're staying in, would give us privacy, has it's own bathroom and kitchen. I hope I can get it. I just need to get enough cash off the atm to pay for it. That's the one hitch in my plan -- the daily limit on cash withdrawal, so hopefully Providence is looking out for me and will help me get this place. The flat number is 5, which is the same as my last place. I take that as a good sign.
Right now we're at the British library, taking advantage of the free wireless. I'm starting to get hungry for lunch, so will work on getting food and cash for rent, then the rest of the day we can do some sight-seeing.
I'm one day closer to renting a flat. We looked at it today. Simple accommodations, but it's a decent building in a decent neighborhood right next to Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park. In fact, the gardens and park are right at the end of the block we'd be living on. It's a price we can afford, less expensive than the hostel we're staying in, would give us privacy, has it's own bathroom and kitchen. I hope I can get it. I just need to get enough cash off the atm to pay for it. That's the one hitch in my plan -- the daily limit on cash withdrawal, so hopefully Providence is looking out for me and will help me get this place. The flat number is 5, which is the same as my last place. I take that as a good sign.
Right now we're at the British library, taking advantage of the free wireless. I'm starting to get hungry for lunch, so will work on getting food and cash for rent, then the rest of the day we can do some sight-seeing.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Two Weary Travelers
We're in London now, but we're both still exhausted. I'm just going to list everything we've done since Sunday.
Sunday we got completely moved out of the apartment and took care of remaining tasks, chores, and errands. Stayed at David's house.
We were both wired and slept horribly.
Monday morning got up early, went to Starbucks for coffee, took care of all last minute stuff before leaving for the airport. David took us to the airport. Caught the plane to Newark, NJ. Changed planes to Dublin. No sleep.
Tuesday morning arrived at Dublin airport, took the bus to the city center. We weren't impressed with Dublin. It felt to much like steel, cement, dirt, and trash. I was feeling nauseous. What am I doing here? Let's get out of here!
Took the train to Dun Laoghaire, a quaint little seaside town. Found a couple of oases where we could sit and eat a picnic lunch, then laid down on the ground and napped for a while. We both decided we'd rather go on to London than look for the Dublin campground.
So we got tickets on the ferry from Dun Laoghaire to Holyhead, Wales. Took the ferry, tried to nap on the ferry. From Holyhead, we took the train to London. While waiting for the first train, we found a little oasis called St. Cypri's Church. Laid down on the grass to relax for about 15 minutes, then back to the train station to catch the first train. Arrived in London a little after 9:00pm.
Took the Underground to St. Paul's to find a hostel. Wandered around hopelessly with a map, finally asked for directions, got a little closer but still couldn't find it. A very kind man saw us sometime close to 11:00pm staring at the map, our 40-pound packs on our back, looking bedraggled and he said, "Are you by chance looking for the hostel?"
"Yes!"
"Come this way."
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you."
Got to the hostel just before 11:00pm, then find out my debit card won't work and I have no cash, no money. The woman at the counter tries to run the card 6 times, but it still won't work. I get teary-eyed and say, "We have to sleep somewhere. I don't know why it's not working, but I can call the bank in the morning."
They let us stay if I let them hold my passport. Finally we haul ourselves up to the room, take a shower, crawl into bed. The nearly-endless day finally comes to an end.
Wednesday morning, we get up, go to breakfast. They had given us vouchers. I said, "Sarina, eat up, I have no money as of this moment, so this may be our last meal for a while."
Then I get an idea. I go to the atm and manage to pull out 10 pounds so I know the card still works. I'm guessing the problem was that I had accidentally ran out of money in the account. I got a half-hour of internet time at the hostel, made a balance transfer, and finally had money again. Paid for two nights and two breakfasts, so we're good to go.
First thing, we took the Underground to the British library, found out we can get free wireless, got on the computer to search for a flat in London. Sarina could barely hold her head up and I had a raging headache that wouldn't go away after 2000 miligrams of Tylenol. Was functioning on 50% brain capacity, so we decided to go back to the room and sleep. Slept for 4.5 hours.
Then went out again, got food for the evening. Ate while we walked. Found a store to buy a track phone. Our number is 07535602708.
Went back to the library, but it closed at 6:00pm. Took the Underground back to the hostel. Finished eating our dinner. I took a shower while Sarina got us an hour of wireless time. She's playing with our new phone while I write this blog.
That's brings us to the present moment.
Love y'all, but we're still both really tired.
Sunday we got completely moved out of the apartment and took care of remaining tasks, chores, and errands. Stayed at David's house.
We were both wired and slept horribly.
Monday morning got up early, went to Starbucks for coffee, took care of all last minute stuff before leaving for the airport. David took us to the airport. Caught the plane to Newark, NJ. Changed planes to Dublin. No sleep.
Tuesday morning arrived at Dublin airport, took the bus to the city center. We weren't impressed with Dublin. It felt to much like steel, cement, dirt, and trash. I was feeling nauseous. What am I doing here? Let's get out of here!
Took the train to Dun Laoghaire, a quaint little seaside town. Found a couple of oases where we could sit and eat a picnic lunch, then laid down on the ground and napped for a while. We both decided we'd rather go on to London than look for the Dublin campground.
So we got tickets on the ferry from Dun Laoghaire to Holyhead, Wales. Took the ferry, tried to nap on the ferry. From Holyhead, we took the train to London. While waiting for the first train, we found a little oasis called St. Cypri's Church. Laid down on the grass to relax for about 15 minutes, then back to the train station to catch the first train. Arrived in London a little after 9:00pm.
Took the Underground to St. Paul's to find a hostel. Wandered around hopelessly with a map, finally asked for directions, got a little closer but still couldn't find it. A very kind man saw us sometime close to 11:00pm staring at the map, our 40-pound packs on our back, looking bedraggled and he said, "Are you by chance looking for the hostel?"
"Yes!"
"Come this way."
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you."
Got to the hostel just before 11:00pm, then find out my debit card won't work and I have no cash, no money. The woman at the counter tries to run the card 6 times, but it still won't work. I get teary-eyed and say, "We have to sleep somewhere. I don't know why it's not working, but I can call the bank in the morning."
They let us stay if I let them hold my passport. Finally we haul ourselves up to the room, take a shower, crawl into bed. The nearly-endless day finally comes to an end.
Wednesday morning, we get up, go to breakfast. They had given us vouchers. I said, "Sarina, eat up, I have no money as of this moment, so this may be our last meal for a while."
Then I get an idea. I go to the atm and manage to pull out 10 pounds so I know the card still works. I'm guessing the problem was that I had accidentally ran out of money in the account. I got a half-hour of internet time at the hostel, made a balance transfer, and finally had money again. Paid for two nights and two breakfasts, so we're good to go.
First thing, we took the Underground to the British library, found out we can get free wireless, got on the computer to search for a flat in London. Sarina could barely hold her head up and I had a raging headache that wouldn't go away after 2000 miligrams of Tylenol. Was functioning on 50% brain capacity, so we decided to go back to the room and sleep. Slept for 4.5 hours.
Then went out again, got food for the evening. Ate while we walked. Found a store to buy a track phone. Our number is 07535602708.
Went back to the library, but it closed at 6:00pm. Took the Underground back to the hostel. Finished eating our dinner. I took a shower while Sarina got us an hour of wireless time. She's playing with our new phone while I write this blog.
That's brings us to the present moment.
Love y'all, but we're still both really tired.
Three Nearly-Endless Days
It's 7:47am on Wednesday morning. We're in London. I'm still exhausted, partly from jetlag and partly from the 3 nearly-endless days we've had. Challenges, challenges, challenges. But have managed to work them out so far. It got a little scary last night, but Providence was looking out for us and we found a lovely hostel to stay in. That's where we are right now.
I'm hoping to go to the British library today and get free internet access so I can write longer.
Will touch in later,
me and sarina
I'm hoping to go to the British library today and get free internet access so I can write longer.
Will touch in later,
me and sarina
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Freedom
"Two basic qualities of warriors: sustained effort and unbending intent." (page 194, The Fire From Within by Carlos Castaneda)
My intent is to study the works of Carlos Castaneda and live the principles to the best of my ability. The goal of the warrior is freedom. Although that word "freedom" seems a bit vague.
What is freedom? That is a concept I will explore as I write each entry. Right now I'm thinking of it in terms of freedom from the past. That means we become new in every moment. The past doesn't have to define who were are. We can learn from it, yet not be forced by conditioned patterns to continually repeat the same unconscious habitual behaviors.
Discipline, as in "sustained effort and unbending intent," is not the same thing as habit. Discipline is behavior we choose consciously; a habit is behavior we repeat unconciously. The difference for a warrior is that choosing consciously makes one free. Habits, or unconscious behaviors, are imprisoning.
The second area of my life where I am looking at the concept of freedom is my relationship with the material world. I've mentioned a few examples in earlier posts. Another way I've seen myself change over the years is in relationship to books. I used to collect books. They were part of my identity. I wanted people to see: "I'm the kind of person who reads a lot and I read intelligent books; therefore, I am an intelligent person."
But over time, I found myself moving around a lot. I got tired of packing and hauling my books all over the place. Plus, when I wanted to leave a soul-deadening job and follow my heart, I couldn't afford to fund my book habit so I gave it up and found that I could get more than enough information for free from the library and internet. So I stopped clinging and let the books flow through my lfie. It was incredibly liberating.
I've also stopped wasting energy caring whether or not people think I'm intelligent.
My intent is to study the works of Carlos Castaneda and live the principles to the best of my ability. The goal of the warrior is freedom. Although that word "freedom" seems a bit vague.
What is freedom? That is a concept I will explore as I write each entry. Right now I'm thinking of it in terms of freedom from the past. That means we become new in every moment. The past doesn't have to define who were are. We can learn from it, yet not be forced by conditioned patterns to continually repeat the same unconscious habitual behaviors.
Discipline, as in "sustained effort and unbending intent," is not the same thing as habit. Discipline is behavior we choose consciously; a habit is behavior we repeat unconciously. The difference for a warrior is that choosing consciously makes one free. Habits, or unconscious behaviors, are imprisoning.
The second area of my life where I am looking at the concept of freedom is my relationship with the material world. I've mentioned a few examples in earlier posts. Another way I've seen myself change over the years is in relationship to books. I used to collect books. They were part of my identity. I wanted people to see: "I'm the kind of person who reads a lot and I read intelligent books; therefore, I am an intelligent person."
But over time, I found myself moving around a lot. I got tired of packing and hauling my books all over the place. Plus, when I wanted to leave a soul-deadening job and follow my heart, I couldn't afford to fund my book habit so I gave it up and found that I could get more than enough information for free from the library and internet. So I stopped clinging and let the books flow through my lfie. It was incredibly liberating.
I've also stopped wasting energy caring whether or not people think I'm intelligent.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Seven-Year Shedding of Snakeskin
This process I've been going through of moving out of my apartment has been an interesting one. The first thing I wanted to do was sell everything and pare my possessions down to what I could carry on my back. Partly it was a matter of practicality and money. I didn't want to pay rent on an apartment I wouldn't be living in, and I didn't want to spend a lot of money on storage.
This is the second time in my life I've gone through a phase of paring down my possessions like a snake shedding its skin. The first time was seven years ago, but that time was so difficult and painful. I agonized over the entire process. This time has been so much easier, even pleasureable. In fact, I couldn't make it happen fast enough. I was beginning to feel suffocated by my possessions.
The most interesting part for me is how easy it has been to let go of things -- especially when I find myself flinging bags and boxes of stuff I've held onto for 20-25 years, stuff from high school and college, like letters and cards. I can see it was a way of holding onto my identity.
"This is who I was in college. This is who I was in highschool. These were my friends."
I've lived three or four 7-year cycles since then. It no longer matters who I was back then or who my friends were. Maybe I came from Mt. Olympus or another planet for all it matters.
Look at that box over there: I saved cards and letters because I thought maybe someday I'll be famous, but I can see clearly now that not every word I've written is worth publishing. So, here I go right now to dump another box of crap I've been saving for over 25 years. I'ts about time!
This is the second time in my life I've gone through a phase of paring down my possessions like a snake shedding its skin. The first time was seven years ago, but that time was so difficult and painful. I agonized over the entire process. This time has been so much easier, even pleasureable. In fact, I couldn't make it happen fast enough. I was beginning to feel suffocated by my possessions.
The most interesting part for me is how easy it has been to let go of things -- especially when I find myself flinging bags and boxes of stuff I've held onto for 20-25 years, stuff from high school and college, like letters and cards. I can see it was a way of holding onto my identity.
"This is who I was in college. This is who I was in highschool. These were my friends."
I've lived three or four 7-year cycles since then. It no longer matters who I was back then or who my friends were. Maybe I came from Mt. Olympus or another planet for all it matters.
Look at that box over there: I saved cards and letters because I thought maybe someday I'll be famous, but I can see clearly now that not every word I've written is worth publishing. So, here I go right now to dump another box of crap I've been saving for over 25 years. I'ts about time!
A Simple Life
The warrior-goddess lives a simple, unencumbered life. In order to conserve energy it is necessary to live a simple life without excessive attachment to material objects. If one is too attached, she becomes imprisoned by the continual financial and physical maintenance of the objects and the maintenance of her identity in the objects.
When these things become chains that bind her, she is no longer free. She cannot follow the call of her heart (and perhaps leave a job that is soul-deadening) because every waking hour is devoted to the maintenance of the objects and paying the bills in order to continue financing them.
Ask yourself, who would you be without your comfortable home, your car, your possessions? If the thought of "losing everything" frightens you, then you are a prisoner. Your warden is the fear and the guards are the objects.
When these things become chains that bind her, she is no longer free. She cannot follow the call of her heart (and perhaps leave a job that is soul-deadening) because every waking hour is devoted to the maintenance of the objects and paying the bills in order to continue financing them.
Ask yourself, who would you be without your comfortable home, your car, your possessions? If the thought of "losing everything" frightens you, then you are a prisoner. Your warden is the fear and the guards are the objects.
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