We went to Tintagel today, but to be honest, we're both exhausted. We've been camping... will be 10 days by the time we leave on Monday, but it's been cold and rainy most of the time and can't deal with this country anymore so when we get back to London we're going to head off to Paris and travel around France. I don't see the point in staying in the UK. It's cold, gray, wet, rainy, expensive. I've seen the big stuff.
I've definitely clarified my path. I write in my journal every day, wish I could post on my blog more often and write more emails, but it costs $1.00 for 10 minutes of internet time here. That's right $6.00 per hour. I'll write more when we get to London where it's cheaper to use the internet.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
St. Austell, Carlyon Bay, and Eden Project
We're in St. Austell now, staying at a campsite just a few minutes walk from the beach at Carlyon Bay. We arrived on Friday around 2:oopm. I was a little worried when we arrived in St. Austell because it was raining. I had printed out maps thinking we would walk to the campsite. I won't even go into the foolishness of that idea. So there we were, standing in the rain, no clue what to do or which direction to go in. I was feeling in dispair, but Sarina was smiling and enjoying the whole experience, so I thought perhaps it's not so bad after all.
There was a bus stop at the train station, so I asked which bus we should take to the campsite, but when I saw a taxi pulled up, I decided to take a taxi instead. He took us straight to the reception desk at the campsite. It was still raining when we checked in, but it only cost £10 pounds per night (that's about $17). We left our luggage under the canopy while setting up the tent. It was only a light misty rain and wasn't a problem. Once the tent was set up, we moved our luggage in. It's small, but it serves it's purpose and it's cheap! The campsite has lots of amenities: showers, cafe, a tiny grocery store, laundry room, swimming pool, putt-putt golf. There's a beach nearby.
I was feeling lonely while in London. But I think it was more about the environment. London was interesting, but the asphalt, concrete, and air pollution were taking their toll on me. After three and a half weeks in London, I needed to connect with nature and breathe fresh air.
I feel better now that we're out of the city and staying in the countryside. It's lush and the air is fresh and clean. I like sleeping on the ground, hearing the rain patter on the tent at night and the birds singing in the morning. We're so close to the beach that at night when everything is quite, I can actually hear the waves crashing against the shore.
From here on out, I think I'll stay out of the cities as much as possible, except maybe Edinburgh and Glasgow. But to be honest, I'm beginning to wonder about this cold climate. I mean come on, it's July and some days I'm wearing two turtlenecks, a hoodie, and an anorak. Do I really want to go further north? I don't know. I am curious to see Scotland... so we'll see.... or we may go south into continental europe if I'm feeling really adventurous.
We went to Eden Project on Saturday. It's a beautiful place. Wish I were rich, I'd build little Edens all over the place that people could actually live in. It's so amazing inside the tropical biodome. There's a small wooden house with a loft. It's got a bedroom, livingroom, just like a real house. I'd love to live in that house.
Here's a summary: We went to Eden Project on Saturday, went to the beach on Sunday. Monday and Tuesday we walked into town (3 miles one way) to use the computers at the library. Today we might take the bus or train roundtrip to Newquay.
There was a bus stop at the train station, so I asked which bus we should take to the campsite, but when I saw a taxi pulled up, I decided to take a taxi instead. He took us straight to the reception desk at the campsite. It was still raining when we checked in, but it only cost £10 pounds per night (that's about $17). We left our luggage under the canopy while setting up the tent. It was only a light misty rain and wasn't a problem. Once the tent was set up, we moved our luggage in. It's small, but it serves it's purpose and it's cheap! The campsite has lots of amenities: showers, cafe, a tiny grocery store, laundry room, swimming pool, putt-putt golf. There's a beach nearby.
I was feeling lonely while in London. But I think it was more about the environment. London was interesting, but the asphalt, concrete, and air pollution were taking their toll on me. After three and a half weeks in London, I needed to connect with nature and breathe fresh air.
I feel better now that we're out of the city and staying in the countryside. It's lush and the air is fresh and clean. I like sleeping on the ground, hearing the rain patter on the tent at night and the birds singing in the morning. We're so close to the beach that at night when everything is quite, I can actually hear the waves crashing against the shore.
From here on out, I think I'll stay out of the cities as much as possible, except maybe Edinburgh and Glasgow. But to be honest, I'm beginning to wonder about this cold climate. I mean come on, it's July and some days I'm wearing two turtlenecks, a hoodie, and an anorak. Do I really want to go further north? I don't know. I am curious to see Scotland... so we'll see.... or we may go south into continental europe if I'm feeling really adventurous.
We went to Eden Project on Saturday. It's a beautiful place. Wish I were rich, I'd build little Edens all over the place that people could actually live in. It's so amazing inside the tropical biodome. There's a small wooden house with a loft. It's got a bedroom, livingroom, just like a real house. I'd love to live in that house.
Here's a summary: We went to Eden Project on Saturday, went to the beach on Sunday. Monday and Tuesday we walked into town (3 miles one way) to use the computers at the library. Today we might take the bus or train roundtrip to Newquay.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Internal Struggles
I told a friend recently that happiness was not my primary goal, but I feel like I'm really struggling today because actually I do want to be happy; it's just that I don't know what it is that will make me happy.... or maybe I do, but I never seem to be the lucky winner of that lottery, or perhaps I sabotage myself in hidden ways. Who knows?
Part of me just wants to return home, part of me wants to escape my own mind.
I don't have much to say today because I think I'm feeling a little depressed. I'm definitely ready to leave London. It's been an interesting experience, but it's turned cold and gray lately and I'm tired of being here. Where do I want to be? Anywhere that I can leave my brain behind. My brain seems to always want to focus on the negative, sad, annoying, bothersome things, and what's missing in my life instead of focusing on the positive.
I think I'd better go back and read all those Castaneda books again. I've already forgotten how to be a warrior!
I guess we're leaving London tomorrow. Haven't run into any obstacles or reasons to change that plan, though I am a little concerned about the weather. I hope it will be warm when we go to Cornwall to hike and camp. Or maybe I'll find beautiful places to hike and won't be bothered by a little chill in the air.
Part of me just wants to return home, part of me wants to escape my own mind.
I don't have much to say today because I think I'm feeling a little depressed. I'm definitely ready to leave London. It's been an interesting experience, but it's turned cold and gray lately and I'm tired of being here. Where do I want to be? Anywhere that I can leave my brain behind. My brain seems to always want to focus on the negative, sad, annoying, bothersome things, and what's missing in my life instead of focusing on the positive.
I think I'd better go back and read all those Castaneda books again. I've already forgotten how to be a warrior!
I guess we're leaving London tomorrow. Haven't run into any obstacles or reasons to change that plan, though I am a little concerned about the weather. I hope it will be warm when we go to Cornwall to hike and camp. Or maybe I'll find beautiful places to hike and won't be bothered by a little chill in the air.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Art Of Stalking
In The Eagle's Gift, Castaneda is training in stalking by a warrior named Florinda. This is where we receive the most specific details on the art of stalking.
There are 7 principles:
1) The warrior always chooses her battleground.
2) A warrior discards everything that is unnecessary (fear, ego, self-importance, possessions).
3) A warrior must be ready and willing to make her last stand her and now. Treat each decision, each moment, as if it were the last decision of your life.
4) Abandon yourself and fear nothing.
5) When faced with odds that cannot be dealt with, warriors retreat for a moment.
6) Warriors use time wisely.
7) Warriors use controlled folly once they have mastered the other principles.
There are 3 precepts of the Rule:
1) Everything that surrounds us is an unfathomable mystery.
2) We mut try to unravel these mysteries, but without ever hoping to accomplish this.
3) A warrior, aware of the unfathomable mystery that surrounds her and aware of her duty to try to unravel it, takes her rightful place among mysteries and regards herself as one.
Florinda lays out the precepts, though I think we actually learn more about stalking from some of Castaneda's other book when we see it in action. Even then, it still requires the use of intuition to understand what stalking is and how to use it in a practical way.
As an example, I have stated that I want to conquer all my fears, and also that I want to be more sociable and gregarious. So one of the things I decided to do was join a few meetup groups in London. Yesterday I attended a tarot group meeting.
Now for some people who are naturally extroverted this would be nothing. But for me, one who is introverted, I really have to push myself to be more out-going. I could very easily say to myself, I can't be bothered. But the whole point is to push myself out of my comfort zones. Enjoying my own company is easy and comfortable for me.
Going to the effort of joining a group, buying a deck of tarot cards, and showing up at the meeting in order to socialize with women I will probably only meet one time... it would be easy not to bother, but I know that's just my own fear and laziness and I can always find excuses not to be sociable. What I need to do is push myself to do the opposite of what comes naturally so as to expand my options.
One can see this as a practical example of stalking. I've chosen my battleground. I'll let go of what's unnecessary (fear, expectations, laziness, critical and judmental thoughts), and I will enter the mysterious unknown. What actually comes of it is less important than the simple fact that I made the effort.
Each time I make the effort, it will become easier and more natural to me. In that way, I can balance the introvert and extrovert within me so that they serve me rather than hinder me. That's an example of stalking.
In fact, coming to London in the first place was an example of stalking. There were many reasons why I wanted to come here, but one of them was because I was afraid of it.
In the summer of 1996, I actually had a ticket to fly to London from France. I was expecting Marian to be with me, but she canceled her trip to Europe. Instead of traveling by myself, I returned to the ticket for a refund and flew back to Denver. That was pure fear in the driver's seat.
For years I wanted to visit England and I waited patiently for Tom to invite me. Now I look at that and wonder why I put him in charge.
Answer: Fear.
Finally I reached a threshold in my lfie over the past year and I realized that putting fear in the driver's seat is counter-productive. So I resolved that 2009 would be the year of no fear. I wanted to see what life would be like if I lived without fear.
Choosing the warrior-goddess archetype to guide me and form the mythology of my life is an example of stalking and controlled folly. On the one hand it's very serious. There is no doubt it will change my life, but on the other hand, it's pure playfulness. There is a strategy behind the playfulness. That is controlled folly.
There are 7 principles:
1) The warrior always chooses her battleground.
2) A warrior discards everything that is unnecessary (fear, ego, self-importance, possessions).
3) A warrior must be ready and willing to make her last stand her and now. Treat each decision, each moment, as if it were the last decision of your life.
4) Abandon yourself and fear nothing.
5) When faced with odds that cannot be dealt with, warriors retreat for a moment.
6) Warriors use time wisely.
7) Warriors use controlled folly once they have mastered the other principles.
There are 3 precepts of the Rule:
1) Everything that surrounds us is an unfathomable mystery.
2) We mut try to unravel these mysteries, but without ever hoping to accomplish this.
3) A warrior, aware of the unfathomable mystery that surrounds her and aware of her duty to try to unravel it, takes her rightful place among mysteries and regards herself as one.
Florinda lays out the precepts, though I think we actually learn more about stalking from some of Castaneda's other book when we see it in action. Even then, it still requires the use of intuition to understand what stalking is and how to use it in a practical way.
As an example, I have stated that I want to conquer all my fears, and also that I want to be more sociable and gregarious. So one of the things I decided to do was join a few meetup groups in London. Yesterday I attended a tarot group meeting.
Now for some people who are naturally extroverted this would be nothing. But for me, one who is introverted, I really have to push myself to be more out-going. I could very easily say to myself, I can't be bothered. But the whole point is to push myself out of my comfort zones. Enjoying my own company is easy and comfortable for me.
Going to the effort of joining a group, buying a deck of tarot cards, and showing up at the meeting in order to socialize with women I will probably only meet one time... it would be easy not to bother, but I know that's just my own fear and laziness and I can always find excuses not to be sociable. What I need to do is push myself to do the opposite of what comes naturally so as to expand my options.
One can see this as a practical example of stalking. I've chosen my battleground. I'll let go of what's unnecessary (fear, expectations, laziness, critical and judmental thoughts), and I will enter the mysterious unknown. What actually comes of it is less important than the simple fact that I made the effort.
Each time I make the effort, it will become easier and more natural to me. In that way, I can balance the introvert and extrovert within me so that they serve me rather than hinder me. That's an example of stalking.
In fact, coming to London in the first place was an example of stalking. There were many reasons why I wanted to come here, but one of them was because I was afraid of it.
In the summer of 1996, I actually had a ticket to fly to London from France. I was expecting Marian to be with me, but she canceled her trip to Europe. Instead of traveling by myself, I returned to the ticket for a refund and flew back to Denver. That was pure fear in the driver's seat.
For years I wanted to visit England and I waited patiently for Tom to invite me. Now I look at that and wonder why I put him in charge.
Answer: Fear.
Finally I reached a threshold in my lfie over the past year and I realized that putting fear in the driver's seat is counter-productive. So I resolved that 2009 would be the year of no fear. I wanted to see what life would be like if I lived without fear.
Choosing the warrior-goddess archetype to guide me and form the mythology of my life is an example of stalking and controlled folly. On the one hand it's very serious. There is no doubt it will change my life, but on the other hand, it's pure playfulness. There is a strategy behind the playfulness. That is controlled folly.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
A Warrior's Work
We have settled into life as two residents of London. We've got a flat, a phone, an Oyster card (to ride the Tube), and a library card. But the warrior's work is never done. Now I have to challenge myself again.
One challenge came on its own: My computer got a virus and can't connect to the internet anymore, so now I have to go to internet cafes. I was upset (not excessively), but then I remember that a warrior is unfazed by such things. I'm free and fluid.... ah yeah.... that's right.
As I mentioned yesterday, my latest plan is to go down to Cornwall in the southwest of England. There is a place called the Eden Project that I've been reading about and would like to visit, then we could do some hiking and camping, but I have to do a ton of research on the train system, campsites, and such in order to figure out how to do this and do it within my budget. So I've got my challenge! Furthermore, I have to shed the electronic accoutriments: computer, camera, etc.
One challenge came on its own: My computer got a virus and can't connect to the internet anymore, so now I have to go to internet cafes. I was upset (not excessively), but then I remember that a warrior is unfazed by such things. I'm free and fluid.... ah yeah.... that's right.
As I mentioned yesterday, my latest plan is to go down to Cornwall in the southwest of England. There is a place called the Eden Project that I've been reading about and would like to visit, then we could do some hiking and camping, but I have to do a ton of research on the train system, campsites, and such in order to figure out how to do this and do it within my budget. So I've got my challenge! Furthermore, I have to shed the electronic accoutriments: computer, camera, etc.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A Warrior's To-Do List
Well, I'm 2 weeks into the next step in my unfoldment and I still feel like a hopelessly confused mess. I ask myself, what is it that I want? I want to be a warrior. Although I think I'm not very good at it. I think what I'm trying to do is erase my hard drive, so to speak, but how?
I like the idea of going to Eden, http://www.edenproject.com/, and then hiking and camping along the southwest coastal path, http://www.southwestcoastalpath.co.uk/,but I need to do more research on the trains. I don't understand how we get around on the trains or how much it costs. Right now I'm spending £32 per day on housing and underground. So if I spend less on housing by camping (let's say £16 per day) that leaves £16 per day for trains and buses (£112 per week), but I have no idea what that means in terms of how far we can travel, how many days, etc. So I gotta do some research.
Here's a list I came up with about what I'm supposed to be doing here:
1) Washing away the past
2) Breaking out of old patterns
3) Challenging myself
4) Becoming a warrior
5) Trusting the Spirit to guide me
6) Learning to make decisions and stick with them
7) Developing unbending intent
8) Learning to trust my intuition
9) Reading the Castaneda books, learn as much as I can from them, and put the principles into practice
10) Turning off the internal dialogue
11) Doing some free-writing every day
12) Conquer all my fears
I like the idea of going to Eden, http://www.edenproject.com/, and then hiking and camping along the southwest coastal path, http://www.southwestcoastalpath.co.uk/,but I need to do more research on the trains. I don't understand how we get around on the trains or how much it costs. Right now I'm spending £32 per day on housing and underground. So if I spend less on housing by camping (let's say £16 per day) that leaves £16 per day for trains and buses (£112 per week), but I have no idea what that means in terms of how far we can travel, how many days, etc. So I gotta do some research.
Here's a list I came up with about what I'm supposed to be doing here:
1) Washing away the past
2) Breaking out of old patterns
3) Challenging myself
4) Becoming a warrior
5) Trusting the Spirit to guide me
6) Learning to make decisions and stick with them
7) Developing unbending intent
8) Learning to trust my intuition
9) Reading the Castaneda books, learn as much as I can from them, and put the principles into practice
10) Turning off the internal dialogue
11) Doing some free-writing every day
12) Conquer all my fears
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