I’ve been waiting for a very special moment which will occur on May 22nd. Transiting Jupiter, my time lord for this year, at my mid-heaven in 9th house Pisces, will make an exact square to my natal Jupiter in the 12th house. The ninth house rules religion, belief systems, and philosophy. The 12th house rules mysticism and the arts. At the same time, Saturn, ruler of discipline, is at the nadir of my chart, opposing transiting Jupiter and squaring my natal Jupiter, while the Sun, my time lord for the month has just entered the 12th house, and Uranus is also at the mid-heaven.
So, what does all this mean? I have been trying to figure that out. Of course, my ego said, “Oh I’m going to get a publisher for my latest novel!” Because Jupiter and the 9th house also rule publication, and yet I’m not making any moves, other than writing. I’m not sending out submissions or anything. What has captivated me lately is reading all of Carlos Castaneda’s books for the fifth time.
A friend suggested that perhaps the May 22nd alignments are not about getting published, but they are about a shift in my belief systems. In other words, I might finally get what don Juan is saying in a way I’ve never been able to get before.
It’s kind of scary. It would be so much easier to think it relates to matters of this world, you know capitalistic America, get published, be somebody, get rich and famous, influence people’s minds with my fabulous writing. We’re trained from birth to want that kind of success. But what if it’s really about the expansion of my consciousness. And what if the answer I get is that publication is not really what matters. Oh crap.
It’s scary to think the answer is to let go of caring whether or not the world validates my writing. I’m getting so many messages telling me this, including what my friend Tama Kieves said today, “It has to come from within, not from without.”
And don Juan saying, “In order to succeed at anything, it must be done gently, with a great deal of effort, but without stress or obsession.” I totally get what he’s saying. Put forth a great deal of effort, but do so gently without stress or obsession. It is not a contradiction. I have done most of my writing that way, because something in me was called to write, so I wrote, not because I thought it would be a great way to become rich and famous. Actually it’s not a very effective way to become rich and famous, yet I’d still like that. It’s hard to let go of that desire. So I’ll do what a friend always tells me to do. I won’t try to let go of it, I’ll just sit and observe my attachment.
I do love the sorcerers world as described by don Juan and Castaneda. It is such a beautiful, magnificent, mysterious, magical, and awesome world. What if that were enough?
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Your Living Challenge
Don Juan said, "A warrior takes his lot, whatever it may be, and accepts it in ultimate humbleness. He accepts in humbleness what he is, not as grounds for regret, but as a living challenge." (Tales of Power)
I've been thinking about that lately, wondering what my challenge is. The thing that keeps popping into my mind is "self-discipline." I'm always telling myself that I don't have enough self-discipline. If I did, I would be able to produce so much more: write more, publish more, lead more workshops, exercise more, save the world, etc.
But on the other hand, the fact that I have a low tolerance for stress and lack of freedom has been my saving grace in a way. That part of my personality won't allow me to stay imprisoned in situations that weaken me, rather than empowering me.
He also said, "If one is to succeed in anything, the success must come gently, with a great deal of effort, but with no stress or obsession."
That's a very fine line, but I'm sure it's possible. One thing I understand is that the self-discipline is for me. It's not so I can prove myself worthy in the eyes of other human beings. I think that's where I get mixed up. Often when I write something, I get obsessed with getting published because I want to feel that I am worthy in the eyes of other people (or at least in the eyes of the publishing industry). This is where the stress and obsession come from.
It's difficult to let go of this obsession, but I think I may have to, just like I let go of my fear of poverty and then discovered that the monster named Fear DePoverty was nothing more than a chimera. I've never in my life been poor. So by letting go of that fear (and the stress and obsession), I gained both freedom and wealth.
At the moment, this is my challenge: developing greater self-discipline without sliding over the line into stress and obsession.
What is your living challenge?
I've been thinking about that lately, wondering what my challenge is. The thing that keeps popping into my mind is "self-discipline." I'm always telling myself that I don't have enough self-discipline. If I did, I would be able to produce so much more: write more, publish more, lead more workshops, exercise more, save the world, etc.
But on the other hand, the fact that I have a low tolerance for stress and lack of freedom has been my saving grace in a way. That part of my personality won't allow me to stay imprisoned in situations that weaken me, rather than empowering me.
He also said, "If one is to succeed in anything, the success must come gently, with a great deal of effort, but with no stress or obsession."
That's a very fine line, but I'm sure it's possible. One thing I understand is that the self-discipline is for me. It's not so I can prove myself worthy in the eyes of other human beings. I think that's where I get mixed up. Often when I write something, I get obsessed with getting published because I want to feel that I am worthy in the eyes of other people (or at least in the eyes of the publishing industry). This is where the stress and obsession come from.
It's difficult to let go of this obsession, but I think I may have to, just like I let go of my fear of poverty and then discovered that the monster named Fear DePoverty was nothing more than a chimera. I've never in my life been poor. So by letting go of that fear (and the stress and obsession), I gained both freedom and wealth.
At the moment, this is my challenge: developing greater self-discipline without sliding over the line into stress and obsession.
What is your living challenge?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
We Are All Warrior-Sorcerers
Simply put, freedom and money are not connected. You might see a person with both, or a person with neither, but that's irrelevant. Just like the cell phone and lip gloss are not connected, even though a lot of people who use cell phones wear lip gloss.
I'm looking for new challenges, new horizons. I made a list of things I attracted into my life and achieved over the past 5 years (not a comprehensive list, but pretty good). Then a list of things I want to achieve over the coming five years.
It's all about Lila, the play of the Divine. In other words, the goals are not about feeding the little self, or the little ego (which can never be satisfied). It's about being a channel for Spirit/the Goddess/Lila. I truly believe that if we all made our choices based on love rather than fear, this world would be such a different place, I can hardly even imagine it. And why not? I do not believe Earth is a place we come in order to suffer.
Alan Watts says we should admire those people who create their own hells and then get lost in them, believing they are reality. He says, "Wow! Those are some incredibly brave souls."
I totally get what he's saying. I told Adam that he is in the Underworld, hanging by his ankles. It's his initiation, and whenever he's ready to be done with it, he is the one with the keys to set himself free. I am truly in awe of the power we have to create our reality.
And as Denis Waitley said, "A good life is just as much work and struggle as a bad life; it all depends on which one you would rather put your efforts on."
I'm looking for new challenges, new horizons. I made a list of things I attracted into my life and achieved over the past 5 years (not a comprehensive list, but pretty good). Then a list of things I want to achieve over the coming five years.
It's all about Lila, the play of the Divine. In other words, the goals are not about feeding the little self, or the little ego (which can never be satisfied). It's about being a channel for Spirit/the Goddess/Lila. I truly believe that if we all made our choices based on love rather than fear, this world would be such a different place, I can hardly even imagine it. And why not? I do not believe Earth is a place we come in order to suffer.
Alan Watts says we should admire those people who create their own hells and then get lost in them, believing they are reality. He says, "Wow! Those are some incredibly brave souls."
I totally get what he's saying. I told Adam that he is in the Underworld, hanging by his ankles. It's his initiation, and whenever he's ready to be done with it, he is the one with the keys to set himself free. I am truly in awe of the power we have to create our reality.
And as Denis Waitley said, "A good life is just as much work and struggle as a bad life; it all depends on which one you would rather put your efforts on."
The Downward & Upward Paths to Enlightenment
Alcoholics are often very feeling people. Sometimes the world is just too difficult for them to take, so they self-medicate. But they must learn another way of being. Otherwise, it becomes destructive for themselves and everyone around them.
Sadly I had to end a budding friendship recently with a man named Adam because of his alcoholism, but it also taught me about how we create our own reality. He was bound and determined to be the "loser." Even though deep down inside he's not, he was determined to create that reality until I couldn't fight him anymore.
I'm reading Castaneda's books again. I don't know for sure, but I think this may be the fifth time. I'm really starting to get it. It's all about empowering ourselves, "storing up personal power," as don Juan says. There really is something to it.
I know because as I began to change my life, good things began to happen for me, things that have no rational explanation. The more time passed and I built up energy (power) around my new beliefs and desire for freedom, the good things expanded exponentially.
People (and I used to be one of them) believe certain things about money and the economy. As I have observed objectively, I have discovered that all those stories are based on fear and are not true.
The truth is that Spirit/Power/Abundance/the Abstract/the Goddess/Providence, whatever you want to call it, provides for me abundantly and always will. It is not dependent on anything I do. Whatever I need, when I need it, will always be there for me.
I used to have a belief that money equals freedom. Now I fully understand that the two are not bound together. To think they are is like saying "My cell phone will only work if I am wearing lip gloss." Well, you know what, if I believe that, then it's true. But guess what? My cell phone can also work when I'm not wearing lip gloss, if I know it to be true.
Of course, the rational materialists will balk at that. Let 'em. I've seen through my own experience that Spirit provides for me abundantly and always will. It places no conditions on those provisions other than my willingness to trust and receive it. That's magic.
You truly are blessed. You live in magic too. Just feel gratitude for it all the time and it will always be there for you.
Sadly I had to end a budding friendship recently with a man named Adam because of his alcoholism, but it also taught me about how we create our own reality. He was bound and determined to be the "loser." Even though deep down inside he's not, he was determined to create that reality until I couldn't fight him anymore.
I'm reading Castaneda's books again. I don't know for sure, but I think this may be the fifth time. I'm really starting to get it. It's all about empowering ourselves, "storing up personal power," as don Juan says. There really is something to it.
I know because as I began to change my life, good things began to happen for me, things that have no rational explanation. The more time passed and I built up energy (power) around my new beliefs and desire for freedom, the good things expanded exponentially.
People (and I used to be one of them) believe certain things about money and the economy. As I have observed objectively, I have discovered that all those stories are based on fear and are not true.
The truth is that Spirit/Power/Abundance/the Abstract/the Goddess/Providence, whatever you want to call it, provides for me abundantly and always will. It is not dependent on anything I do. Whatever I need, when I need it, will always be there for me.
I used to have a belief that money equals freedom. Now I fully understand that the two are not bound together. To think they are is like saying "My cell phone will only work if I am wearing lip gloss." Well, you know what, if I believe that, then it's true. But guess what? My cell phone can also work when I'm not wearing lip gloss, if I know it to be true.
Of course, the rational materialists will balk at that. Let 'em. I've seen through my own experience that Spirit provides for me abundantly and always will. It places no conditions on those provisions other than my willingness to trust and receive it. That's magic.
You truly are blessed. You live in magic too. Just feel gratitude for it all the time and it will always be there for you.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Having to Believe
I firmly believe the only thing that's going to save us is shifting to a new consciousness. Sometimes I can tell I'm in it, but not quite as much as I would like.
I've seen magic work. I know it's real. But I don't understand it well enough to explain it in a way that is completely coherent (or maybe that's just a story I tell myself).
You have to start with certain beliefs. If you don't have those beliefs, the idea of magic falls apart.
Let me put it this way: it starts on the level of energy, not on the level of matter. In other words, if you observe the material world and assume that is your reality, then it is. However, if you create something on the energetic level (the astral plane), then build up the energy, you begin to create it in the material world.
What makes this difficult is that in order to build up energy on the astral plane, you have to believe in the reality of what doesn't yet exist on the material plane, more than you believe in what does currently exist on the material plane. This completely defies our logical, reasonable, and rational way of thinking. Yet it works.
Now, when I say that, am I'm suggesting that you "believe" the oil leak doesn't exist? No, that's not what I'm saying. The oil leak currently exists on the material plane. We haven't yet built up enough energy to make it not exist.
But I do believe we can build up energy to create a future on Earth that is healthy and abundant. There are two levels on which we create, the micro and the macro. The oil leak is something we created on the macro level due to our belief that we need that oil.
Honestly, I'm not sure how much the micro and macro levels are intertwined. In other words, could some people live in an Avalon type of world, while the rest are living in a catastrophic, apocalyptic world? I don't know.
The reason we (humans) continue to create this world that is heading for environmental catastrophe is because our thought patterns are frozen, dried-up husks formed out of the energy of fear.
Try today to live in the energy of love. Watch everything you do and how each moment of your existence ripples out into the world, creating the world.
You'll begin to see where your thought forms are stuck, frozen. Then think about what you want to create.
I've seen magic work. I know it's real. But I don't understand it well enough to explain it in a way that is completely coherent (or maybe that's just a story I tell myself).
You have to start with certain beliefs. If you don't have those beliefs, the idea of magic falls apart.
Let me put it this way: it starts on the level of energy, not on the level of matter. In other words, if you observe the material world and assume that is your reality, then it is. However, if you create something on the energetic level (the astral plane), then build up the energy, you begin to create it in the material world.
What makes this difficult is that in order to build up energy on the astral plane, you have to believe in the reality of what doesn't yet exist on the material plane, more than you believe in what does currently exist on the material plane. This completely defies our logical, reasonable, and rational way of thinking. Yet it works.
Now, when I say that, am I'm suggesting that you "believe" the oil leak doesn't exist? No, that's not what I'm saying. The oil leak currently exists on the material plane. We haven't yet built up enough energy to make it not exist.
But I do believe we can build up energy to create a future on Earth that is healthy and abundant. There are two levels on which we create, the micro and the macro. The oil leak is something we created on the macro level due to our belief that we need that oil.
Honestly, I'm not sure how much the micro and macro levels are intertwined. In other words, could some people live in an Avalon type of world, while the rest are living in a catastrophic, apocalyptic world? I don't know.
The reason we (humans) continue to create this world that is heading for environmental catastrophe is because our thought patterns are frozen, dried-up husks formed out of the energy of fear.
Try today to live in the energy of love. Watch everything you do and how each moment of your existence ripples out into the world, creating the world.
You'll begin to see where your thought forms are stuck, frozen. Then think about what you want to create.
Friday, February 26, 2010
My Secret Life
In my secret life, I am training to be a warrior-goddess. I say it's my secret life because no one knows the extent in which this is becoming who I am. I have my normal life, a job; I earn money; there are people I know. They think I'm like them, but at odd hours I'm someone completely different.
I go wandering in the forest; I meet magical beings; I see magic all around me. But communicating this to other people is not always easy. Now I see that there are other intelligent beings sharing the earth with humanity, but we are not sharing the earth with them. People don't even acknowledge their existence, which is a shame because they have so much to teach us.
At first they are invisible, but when you hear a little whisper, see some movement in the foliage, or feel a tap on the shoulder when it appears that no one is there, that is the moment to stop and listen. Take the time to sit still and commune with that hidden world. It is in those moments that these magical beings will reveal themselves.
Their mode of existence is so different from ours that it is difficult for most people to even comprehend. Because they can't conceive of such an otherworldly existence, they cannot see these living beings even when they are close by.
At first I was frightened, but then I realized that ignoring them did not make them go away. All it accomplished was to make my life less interesting. When you've entered that realm and then slam the door between the two worlds, our rational materialistic world seems dull in comparison.
When the doors are open, magic seeps in. It can be as simple as a heightened level of perception. The colors become brighter, deeper; sometimes they radiate with light; other times the colors have meaning; they tap into something deep and primordial within us.
When you've glimpsed it, you begin to want more. But you have to be careful which doors you open....
I go wandering in the forest; I meet magical beings; I see magic all around me. But communicating this to other people is not always easy. Now I see that there are other intelligent beings sharing the earth with humanity, but we are not sharing the earth with them. People don't even acknowledge their existence, which is a shame because they have so much to teach us.
At first they are invisible, but when you hear a little whisper, see some movement in the foliage, or feel a tap on the shoulder when it appears that no one is there, that is the moment to stop and listen. Take the time to sit still and commune with that hidden world. It is in those moments that these magical beings will reveal themselves.
Their mode of existence is so different from ours that it is difficult for most people to even comprehend. Because they can't conceive of such an otherworldly existence, they cannot see these living beings even when they are close by.
At first I was frightened, but then I realized that ignoring them did not make them go away. All it accomplished was to make my life less interesting. When you've entered that realm and then slam the door between the two worlds, our rational materialistic world seems dull in comparison.
When the doors are open, magic seeps in. It can be as simple as a heightened level of perception. The colors become brighter, deeper; sometimes they radiate with light; other times the colors have meaning; they tap into something deep and primordial within us.
When you've glimpsed it, you begin to want more. But you have to be careful which doors you open....
Monday, February 22, 2010
I'm So Not a Warrior-Goddess
I met a woman who calls herself Artemis, and she sure looks like the real thing. She says I'm supposed to follow in her footsteps, become the next Artemis, but I'm soooooo not a warrior-goddess.
A warrior-goddess is tough, right? But I'm a wimp. My life is boring. I don't like where I live. I wish I didn't have to make so many sacrifices. I'm cold. This room is ugly. I wish I had more privacy. Maybe I just can't see the good in what I have.
Excuse me, I'm freezing and I have to pee.
Okay, I'm back. So where was I? Oh yeah, I'm tired, cold, sad, and have a stomach ache. Probably just nerves. I think being miserable is what causes me to write. The world I create in my mind is my refuge. I wish I could be like the women in myths, novels, and films whom I would call warrior-goddesses. Like Sabriel by Garth Nix. She's cool. She's tough. She doesn't whine or complain.
I need to study warrior-goddesses. How can I become one if I don't know anything about them?
A warrior-goddess is tough, right? But I'm a wimp. My life is boring. I don't like where I live. I wish I didn't have to make so many sacrifices. I'm cold. This room is ugly. I wish I had more privacy. Maybe I just can't see the good in what I have.
Excuse me, I'm freezing and I have to pee.
Okay, I'm back. So where was I? Oh yeah, I'm tired, cold, sad, and have a stomach ache. Probably just nerves. I think being miserable is what causes me to write. The world I create in my mind is my refuge. I wish I could be like the women in myths, novels, and films whom I would call warrior-goddesses. Like Sabriel by Garth Nix. She's cool. She's tough. She doesn't whine or complain.
I need to study warrior-goddesses. How can I become one if I don't know anything about them?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Can I Step Into Dion Fortune's Shoes?
Well, as I've just discovered I have a few followers, I'd better get serious about blogging again. I won't mention everything that's happened since the end of August (too much). I'll just start off fresh.
Yesterday I finished reading Moon Magic by Dion Fortune. It's the second time I've read it and I was as blown away as the first time. In fact, that book had such a powerful impact on me that I wrote a 94,000-word novel titled The Magical Diaries of Lilith Fyerider.
As far as I know, there's nothing out there that even comes close to Dion Fortune, but I hope to be the one who fills the gap. I'm now writing a second novel titled Journey to Artemisia. Trinity, the OCD warrior-goddess, is the heroine of the novel.
I've decided to blog as Trinity from now on so I can really get myself inside her head.
Yesterday I finished reading Moon Magic by Dion Fortune. It's the second time I've read it and I was as blown away as the first time. In fact, that book had such a powerful impact on me that I wrote a 94,000-word novel titled The Magical Diaries of Lilith Fyerider.
As far as I know, there's nothing out there that even comes close to Dion Fortune, but I hope to be the one who fills the gap. I'm now writing a second novel titled Journey to Artemisia. Trinity, the OCD warrior-goddess, is the heroine of the novel.
I've decided to blog as Trinity from now on so I can really get myself inside her head.
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