Internal Struggles

I told a friend recently that happiness was not my primary goal, but I feel like I'm really struggling today because actually I do want to be happy; it's just that I don't know what it is that will make me happy.... or maybe I do, but I never seem to be the lucky winner of that lottery, or perhaps I sabotage myself in hidden ways. Who knows?

Part of me just wants to return home, part of me wants to escape my own mind.

I don't have much to say today because I think I'm feeling a little depressed. I'm definitely ready to leave London. It's been an interesting experience, but it's turned cold and gray lately and I'm tired of being here. Where do I want to be? Anywhere that I can leave my brain behind. My brain seems to always want to focus on the negative, sad, annoying, bothersome things, and what's missing in my life instead of focusing on the positive.

I think I'd better go back and read all those Castaneda books again. I've already forgotten how to be a warrior!

I guess we're leaving London tomorrow. Haven't run into any obstacles or reasons to change that plan, though I am a little concerned about the weather. I hope it will be warm when we go to Cornwall to hike and camp. Or maybe I'll find beautiful places to hike and won't be bothered by a little chill in the air.