Getting Triggered

Today I got triggered while eating breakfast at Annie's on Colfax with my friend Susan.  It caught me completely off-guard.  There we were having a perfectly gentile conversation about empathy, and I mentioned that I have difficulty getting into empathetic rapport when I don't agree with someone or I feel defensive.  She had offered to take me out that morning and help me design a workshop on "Giving Empathy When You Don't Agree."  I had suggested the topic because I noticed myself getting "triggered" and defensive when someone was speaking and I didn't agree with what they were saying.

In the midst of the conversation, she asked me about feedback forms.  The subject came up because I knew I would need to request feedback forms from the participants as part of the requirements for accreditation as a facilitator of compassionate communication from the Rocky Mountain Compassionate Communication Network.  I said, "I hate feedback forms.  I hate filling them out and I hate receiving them."

As she continued to engage me on the topic, I became more and more defensive.  I could feel the anger arising in me.  Finally I said, "I've been teaching workshops for 10 years and I've had a lot of time to think about this subject so it's not likely I'm going to change my mind.  I mean, if you really wanted to take the time to try and convince me otherwise, you could try, but I'm probably not going to change my mind."

She said, "I'm not trying to convince you of anything.  I was just sharing with you my own feeling about feedback and how meaningful it is to me."

Suddenly I realized that the very thing we'd come to discuss -- Giving Empathy When You Don't Agree -- and the problem I'd been struggling with had come up in the middle of our conversation.  I shook my head to snap myself out of it.  It was almost like being briefly possessed by some guacamole-spitting demon.

Wow!  I started laughing when I realized what had just happened.  I didn't agree with her about feedback forms and I'd gotten triggered and defensive so quickly that it took over before I even knew what was happening!

Well, just goes to show, even those with an earnest desire for transformation can get way-laid when the amygdala kicks in and floods the brain with cortisol.  I still don't completely understand why I got so triggered, but at least I was able to acknowledge it after the fact.  In time, maybe I'll be able to head it off at the pass.